It's funny how one thing can fvcked up your life miserably. Well, on the contrary is not funny at all. Not even a little. It's devastating to know that what you did unintentionally which was driven by fear and pressure could actually deprived you of something you longed to aim for but unfortunately can no longer be attained. Now I don't know what to do anymore. I've lost the drive to live my life. Not even a little bit of motivation to do good and work hard at something you know it can't be yours anymore. People do mistakes but there are mistakes that could imprisoned you and haunt you (for the rest of your life?) Yes, I've been breathing in an atmosphere full of sorrow. My summer is ruined. Practically, my whole life I guess is in ruins and is unable to be reconstructed. It felt like a building that has been demolished after years of strong foundation. Just like that. Gone. My thirst for adventure went from drowning myself in sadness to locking myself up in a four cornered lair. I'm like a vampire who's afraid of the sun but in my case hiding from the reality. I have been isolating myself from everyone. I miss my adventurous and happy-go-lucky self. They say that my life doesn't end here. It doesn't. But it deprived me of something and I've lost. I don't even know where to begin(?) or better yet where to press "continue" with my life. Even my blogging is affected. I guess I'm going to have a long hiatus until I'm okay. I'll be back.. I promise! Posting very soon once I get my sh*t together.